“Everything I Know About Love” by Dolly Alderton | Reflections & Favorite Quotes
“Life is a difficult, hard, sad, unreasonable, irrational thing. So little of it makes sense.” - Dolly Alderton
During a Zoom call with a writing friend living in the Seattle area, our conversation turned to books, as it often does. Apart from catching up on life and writing, we inevitably end up discussing books such as the ones we recently finished, the ones we were currently reading, and the ones we wanted to read.
I told her I was having a hard time choosing my next read because I had finished watching Derry Girls on Netflix and was aching for something along those lines. A fun, light-hearted read about the witty antics of friendships, growing pains, and trying to find your place in this world.
“You should read Dolly Alderton’s memoir, Everything I Know About Love,” she recommended. “It’s got exactly that vibe you’re looking for.”
A quick search through the Kindle Unlimited store revealed that the book was available. Since I still had a month until my free three-month trial subscription ended, I downloaded it to my device and started reading it that night.
Here is the official book blurb:
When it comes to the trials and triumphs of becoming an adult, writer Dolly Alderton has seen and tried it all. In her memoir, she vividly recounts falling in love, finding a job, getting drunk, getting dumped, and that absolutely no one can ever compare to her best girlfriends. Everything I Know About Love is about bad dates, good friends and—above all else— realizing that you are enough. Glittering with wit and insight, heart and humor, Dolly Alderton’s unforgettable debut weaves together personal stories, satirical observations, a series of lists, recipes, and other vignettes that will strike a chord of recognition with women of every age.
The book follows her journey from teen to turning thirty and within the first few pages, I got immediate Derry Girls-vibes only instead of Ireland, the setting was England. It was perfect!
Rather than turn this into a generic book review where I share critical theories, evaluate the writing style, and dive deep into metaphorical meaning, I am simply going to share my favorite quotes and why.
I prefer reading reviews that are more reflective because it gives me a better sense of whether the book is something I want to add to my TBR pile.
In no particular order, here are my favorite quotes from Everything I Know About Love
I am enough. I am enough. The words ricocheted through me, shaking every cell as they traveled. I felt them; I understood them; they fused into my bones. The thought galloped and jumped through my system like a racehorse. I called it out to the dark sky. I watched my proclamation bounce from star to star, swinging like Tarzan from carbon to carbon. I am whole and complete. I will never run out.
All of us should do this more often: say we’re enough. Because we are, but it’s easy to forget that when we become so involved with the day-to-day.
This quote reminded me that seeking external validation for things like relationships, jobs, even our own personalities will never satisfy us. And while the concept of “self-love” can feel cliché when sold as a service, it’s important to have face-to-face time with yourself.
Just like any other relationship in your life, your relationship with yourself won't always be easy or straightforward. You’re going to have a complicated relationship with yourself, no matter how old you are.
But doing the hard work with yourself as you would with other relationships is the best way to focus on what makes you happy and not what others say will make you happy.
So, say it to yourself every single day: I am enough.
It’s completely OK to focus on yourself. You’re allowed to travel and live on your own and spend all your money on yourself and flirt with whoever you like and be as consumed with your work as you want. You don’t have to get married and you don’t have to have children. It doesn’t make you shallow if you don’t want to open up and share your life with a partner.
Like the previous quote, I loved this one because of the gentle reminder that while relationships and connection are important, nothing is more fundamental than the attention you give yourself.
I’m not talking about self-care, though we could all use that every now and then. I’m talking about—as Alderton says—focusing on yourself. Take the time to think about what you want and how you want to live.
No, I don’t mean finding your purpose in life. That’s way too philosophical and can lead you to box yourself into one thing when, as humans, we’re so complex and can, and should, enjoy many, many things this world offers.
This quote inspires me to follow my own path and disregard the opinions of others, as it’s your life, not theirs.
I never wanted to feel like I was passing through, but I feared this was an inevitability of getting older and gradually inching toward the end. A demise in the relishing of life, an increase in simply tolerating it.
As someone who is nearing her forties, I felt this quote deeply. With the influx of social media influencers, it can seem like living a “normal” life is a fate worse than death. Sure, the 9-5 lifestyle is not what it used to be and millennials and Gen Z are setting firmer boundaries around that, but what you see online can still make you feel like you’re too boring.
It doesn’t matter how old you are or what you do, you’re always going to think to yourself, “Is this it?” Believe me, I’ve thought that plenty.
As you get older, you also realize that chasing after things that don’t matter is just wasted energy. The influencer's lifestyle may look like a dream, but it’s not for everyone. The same goes for entrepreneurship.
What you should do to ensure life doesn’t feel like it’s passing you by is do things that light you up. Don’t chase something because it might mean time and financial freedom. You can enjoy a regular day job and fully live your life. And while that may seem like “tolerating it,” it also lessens the pressure on you to live up to these influencers when they’ve been doing it for years.
When you’re looking for love and it seems like you might not ever find it, remember you probably have access to an abundance of it already, just not the romantic kind. This kind of love might not kiss you in the rain or propose marriage. But it will listen to you, inspire and restore you. It will hold you when you cry, celebrate when you’re happy, and sing All Saints with you when you’re drunk. You have so much to gain and learn from this kind of love. You can carry it with you forever. Keep it as close to you as you can.
I shared this same quote in my previous post, and it warrants repeating here.
This quote is worthy of being hung in your home on a poster because it shares a vital truth we all forget: there is plenty of love around us and all we have to do is recognize it.
I’ve seen it happen too often: people abandon platonic friendships the moment they find romantic love when the former was there first. It’s not right.
Remember to nurture all the love in your life (romantic, familial, and platonic). Romantic love may fade away, but platonic relationships with friends and family endure forever.
If you’re in the market for a book about the profound power of female friendship, look no further than Everything I Know About Love. It serves as a beautiful reminder of how we all go through growing pains, but it’s the people who were there by our side during it that matter most.
Check out Everything I Know About Love for yourself:
To learn more about Dolly Alderton, check out her Instagram.
While I understand being paid for your work is important, I’m also aware we all have financial restrictions. In lieu of a paywall, please consider buying me a coffee instead. A little caffeine goes a long way for a writer, and I will be forever grateful for the fuel.
Thought-provoking and just lovely!
I adore good quotes.